Because Love is bigger than anything else

I’m not writing this blog for people to pity me or feel sorry for me. I’m hoping that my telling of my story will help others see that life’s not so bad for them and that each of us is bigger and stronger than our problems. Being bigger and stronger than our problems, we can think about today and the future in a different way. This is what my friend Stan Faryna tells me and I don’t doubt what he’s saying. You shouldn’t either.

August 18,2010 was the day that changed my life forever. My morning started off ok. I got the kids ready for the first day of school. I even walked them in the morning. I remember, however, I tripped a lot more than usual. I’m not the most agile of walkers, but my legs seemed to be unstable. If I stopped walking my legs would start shaking bad. Our son was with me and he was concerned. I told him, “Just let’s get home.”

We got home and by that time I just was shaking bad I figured maybe I was hungry. Because I hadn’t eaten before I left. I ate. It didn’t help. So I thought maybe just I was tired. Wrong again.

By the time the kids got home, my legs and arms were shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t speak. I was crying. I was finally able to ask our son John to take me to the hospital. I thought I had a stroke.

John drove like a mad man to the hospital, he carried me into the emergency ward, and he was yelling so loud, “I think my mom is having a stroke!”

When the doctor checked on me, he said that he didn’t no what was wrong with me. He gave me a shot to calm me down. In one week, I was in and out of the hospital eight times. Ever time, they told me there wasn’t any thing they could do.

Initially, my doctor thought I may have Parkinson’s disease. I was having trouble with some of the basic tests. Like me touching my nose like during an intoxication review that a police officer will give to a driver suspected of driving under the influence. I understood the doctor’s instructions, but I was unable to touch my nose. I was also shaking so hard, it wasn’t funny. The doctor also had me lift my feet up to my knees (one by one) and I almost fell over trying to do it.

The doctor made an appointment to see a specialist in neurology. The neurologist believed I had a physiologic tremor. If caught in 6 months, it can be cured. Mine has gone on for more than a year now, so I’m just trying to learn to live with the shaking.

I had an EKG, MRI, and a brain wave test. All came out normal. They tell me that I have a movement disorder and only meds can help me to live with it. I’ve tried deep breathing, listening to music, and other things but they only help a little. I don’t get a lot done like this. That bothers me.

This last year has been very hard on me. My daughter wants her old mom back and our son misses me walking them to school. I use to walk 20 miles five days a week. Now I can’t even walk a mile. My right arm shakes all the time. It’s hard to type on a computer.

About all I can do is play Facebook games, do Twitter, and read blog posts. Commenting on blog posts though is hard. I struggle with depression and loneliness.

Through it all, three people have kept me from losing it completely. Stan Faryna, Marie Horne Wikle, and Donna E Platt.

Our daughter would keep in touch with Donna for me because half the the time I couldn’t type. Donna kept our Facebook message group going. Most of the members are from Yuwie – a social network that died out some years ago. They are kind and wonderful people.

Stan would get updates from our daughter too. In the meantime, he sent me messages asking how I was feeling, telling me about his life, and sharing inspiration with me. You might not know it, but Stan’s faith in God’s love for us is like a big old rock in the midst of a rising, terrible flood. It’s something you can crawl up on and find peace.

When Stan says he is praying for you, you know that his lips are moving and he’s pouring out his heart for you to God. I think a lot of people don’t get that about Stan. Maybe it’s not interesting to them. But if you are in trouble, he will walk by your side through hell. Not a lot of people in this world that can or will do that for a friend.

Marie was a great help when I told her I felt useless to everyone. She told me that I wasn’t useless and that I was a blessing and I could do things from home and my computer. It’s something Stan had been telling me, but I wasn’t hearing him. Marie helped me feel that I am a gift to the world and that there was no shame to be an inspiration to others and help them do the things that God wants them to do.

Marie has spread joy in my life. It’s funny that her Twitter handle is @spreadingjoy. She does it!

Donna, Marie, and Stan encouraged me to start blogging again. They recommended blog posts for me to read. They helped me to see that my few blog posts and tweets can make a difference.

Now my left arm is shaking. Stan suggested that I should try voice recognition software, but I don’t know what to try, how to set it up, or how to pay for it. If you can recommend something and explain it to me, I’d be grateful.

I want you to know that I’m not a quitter and nothing will get to me again. Because God has put me here for a reason. Because God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I am bigger than my problems. So are you!

Because Love is bigger than anything else.

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God Bless us, every one!

Bonnie Squires
@bonnie67

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Would you like to read my other posts?

1. Love doesn’t have to cost anything
2. Laugh, Love, and Blogging #Triberr
3. Are you wonderful people?
4. Can love move as fast as technology?
5. @bonnie67 has love enough for the whole world
6. Love is six parts giving and one part talk

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I recommend blog posts by my friends. Its what friends do.

Here’s recent posts that I liked. I’m listing 42 in honor of my friend Stan’s birthday.

1. Twitter Junior High via Terri Nakamura
2. Letting Go of that Toxic Relationship, Even if you Love the Person via Karla Campos
3. Dare To Dream Big: From Illinois Slave to Renowned Educator via Sandra Humphrey
4. Day 401 via Nisha Varghese
5.  A New Directory For Locating Quality DoFollow Blogs via Adrienne Smith
6. Is Social Media for Me? via Betsy Cross
7. Crash Accidents, Risks and Consequences via Samantha Bangayan
8. Luxurious Decorations for your Castle or Estate via Stan Faryna
9. Did Video Kill the Radio Star? via Bill Dorman
10. Who Owns You via Janet Callaway
11. I Will Never Make It Without You via Joanne Cipressi
12. A Christmas Journey Home via Marie Horne Wikle
13. Do You Want To Change The World via Aaron Biebert
14. What Should Bloggers Write About? via JMB
15. Do Dollow Blogs for Bloggers via Christian Hollingsworth
16. How Triberr Changes The Competitive Landscape via Yomar Lopez
17. How To Deal With Stupid Clowns via John Garrett
18. Who wants to be first via James St. John
19. Stop Playing Follow the Leader and Be the Leader via Robert Dempsey
20. Your Remedy For iPhone Envy via Carolyn Nicander Mohr
21. Business Smacks Down Klout via Erica Mallison
22. Early Achievers In The Pre-Holiday Facebook: Game of Like via Dorien Morin Van Dam
23. Pre-Holiday Facebook: Game of Like via Keri Jaehnig
24. Create an online Conversation via Gini Dietrich
25. An Interview with Gini Dietrich via Craig Mcbreen
26. The Lie that is Online Transparency and being True to Self via Marcus Sheridan
27. Top 20 Websites for Toddlers to Play Games On via Eren Mckay
28. Healing is about Love and Compassion via Patricia Singlet
29. What Your Favorite Ice Cream Says About You via Diana Adams
30. Casual Collectives: Tomorrow’s Roadkill via Saul Fleishman
31. Are you a head nodder walk-a-wayer? via Lisa Faeth
32. Alaskan Chick Alaskan Expat via Amber Lee
33. All together now – everyone say focus via Stacey Herbert
34. Dads are parents too via Bruce Sallan
35. Selfish Blogger Needing Help via Eugene Farber
36. 7 Signs that your blog is falling off the cliff via Tim Soulo
37. So you want to be the next big thing? via Lori Taylor
38. 5 Tips To Learn how To Let Go via Aline Hanle
39. Things We Should Ask The ROI Question About via Scott Stratten
40. ServeHope via Amanda Hite
41. Never Assume Anything via Ameena Falchetto
42. Happy 42 to me! And other social media DOHs via Stan Faryna