Because Love is bigger than anything else


Because Love is bigger than anything else

I’m not writing this blog for people to pity me or feel sorry for me. I’m hoping that my telling of my story will help others see that life’s not so bad for them and that each of us is bigger and stronger than our problems. Being bigger and stronger than our problems, we can think about today and the future in a different way. This is what my friend Stan Faryna tells me and I don’t doubt what he’s saying. You shouldn’t either.

August 18,2010 was the day that changed my life forever. My morning started off ok. I got the kids ready for the first day of school. I even walked them in the morning. I remember, however, I tripped a lot more than usual. I’m not the most agile of walkers, but my legs seemed to be unstable. If I stopped walking my legs would start shaking bad. Our son was with me and he was concerned. I told him, “Just let’s get home.”

We got home and by that time I just was shaking bad I figured maybe I was hungry. Because I hadn’t eaten before I left. I ate. It didn’t help. So I thought maybe just I was tired. Wrong again.

By the time the kids got home, my legs and arms were shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t speak. I was crying. I was finally able to ask our son John to take me to the hospital. I thought I had a stroke.

John drove like a mad man to the hospital, he carried me into the emergency ward, and he was yelling so loud, “I think my mom is having a stroke!”

When the doctor checked on me, he said that he didn’t no what was wrong with me. He gave me a shot to calm me down. In one week, I was in and out of the hospital eight times. Ever time, they told me there wasn’t any thing they could do.

Initially, my doctor thought I may have Parkinson’s disease. I was having trouble with some of the basic tests. Like me touching my nose like during an intoxication review that a police officer will give to a driver suspected of driving under the influence. I understood the doctor’s instructions, but I was unable to touch my nose. I was also shaking so hard, it wasn’t funny. The doctor also had me lift my feet up to my knees (one by one) and I almost fell over trying to do it.

The doctor made an appointment to see a specialist in neurology. The neurologist believed I had a physiologic tremor. If caught in 6 months, it can be cured. Mine has gone on for more than a year now, so I’m just trying to learn to live with the shaking.

I had an EKG, MRI, and a brain wave test. All came out normal. They tell me that I have a movement disorder and only meds can help me to live with it. I’ve tried deep breathing, listening to music, and other things but they only help a little. I don’t get a lot done like this. That bothers me.

This last year has been very hard on me. My daughter wants her old mom back and our son misses me walking them to school. I use to walk 20 miles five days a week. Now I can’t even walk a mile. My right arm shakes all the time. It’s hard to type on a computer.

About all I can do is play Facebook games, do Twitter, and read blog posts. Commenting on blog posts though is hard. I struggle with depression and loneliness.

Through it all, three people have kept me from losing it completely. Stan Faryna, Marie Horne Wikle, and Donna E Platt.

Our daughter would keep in touch with Donna for me because half the the time I couldn’t type. Donna kept our Facebook message group going. Most of the members are from Yuwie – a social network that died out some years ago. They are kind and wonderful people.

Stan would get updates from our daughter too. In the meantime, he sent me messages asking how I was feeling, telling me about his life, and sharing inspiration with me. You might not know it, but Stan’s faith in God’s love for us is like a big old rock in the midst of a rising, terrible flood. It’s something you can crawl up on and find peace.

When Stan says he is praying for you, you know that his lips are moving and he’s pouring out his heart for you to God. I think a lot of people don’t get that about Stan. Maybe it’s not interesting to them. But if you are in trouble, he will walk by your side through hell. Not a lot of people in this world that can or will do that for a friend.

Marie was a great help when I told her I felt useless to everyone. She told me that I wasn’t useless and that I was a blessing and I could do things from home and my computer. It’s something Stan had been telling me, but I wasn’t hearing him. Marie helped me feel that I am a gift to the world and that there was no shame to be an inspiration to others and help them do the things that God wants them to do.

Marie has spread joy in my life. It’s funny that her Twitter handle is @spreadingjoy. She does it!

Donna, Marie, and Stan encouraged me to start blogging again. They recommended blog posts for me to read. They helped me to see that my few blog posts and tweets can make a difference.

Now my left arm is shaking. Stan suggested that I should try voice recognition software, but I don’t know what to try, how to set it up, or how to pay for it. If you can recommend something and explain it to me, I’d be grateful.

I want you to know that I’m not a quitter and nothing will get to me again. Because God has put me here for a reason. Because God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I am bigger than my problems. So are you!

Because Love is bigger than anything else.

-

God Bless us, every one!

Bonnie Squires
@bonnie67

-

Would you like to read my other posts?

1. Love doesn’t have to cost anything
2. Laugh, Love, and Blogging #Triberr
3. Are you wonderful people?
4. Can love move as fast as technology?
5. @bonnie67 has love enough for the whole world
6. Love is six parts giving and one part talk

-

I recommend blog posts by my friends. Its what friends do.

Here’s recent posts that I liked. I’m listing 42 in honor of my friend Stan’s birthday.

1. Twitter Junior High via Terri Nakamura
2. Letting Go of that Toxic Relationship, Even if you Love the Person via Karla Campos
3. Dare To Dream Big: From Illinois Slave to Renowned Educator via Sandra Humphrey
4. Day 401 via Nisha Varghese
5.  A New Directory For Locating Quality DoFollow Blogs via Adrienne Smith
6. Is Social Media for Me? via Betsy Cross
7. Crash Accidents, Risks and Consequences via Samantha Bangayan
8. Luxurious Decorations for your Castle or Estate via Stan Faryna
9. Did Video Kill the Radio Star? via Bill Dorman
10. Who Owns You via Janet Callaway
11. I Will Never Make It Without You via Joanne Cipressi
12. A Christmas Journey Home via Marie Horne Wikle
13. Do You Want To Change The World via Aaron Biebert
14. What Should Bloggers Write About? via JMB
15. Do Dollow Blogs for Bloggers via Christian Hollingsworth
16. How Triberr Changes The Competitive Landscape via Yomar Lopez
17. How To Deal With Stupid Clowns via John Garrett
18. Who wants to be first via James St. John
19. Stop Playing Follow the Leader and Be the Leader via Robert Dempsey
20. Your Remedy For iPhone Envy via Carolyn Nicander Mohr
21. Business Smacks Down Klout via Erica Mallison
22. Early Achievers In The Pre-Holiday Facebook: Game of Like via Dorien Morin Van Dam
23. Pre-Holiday Facebook: Game of Like via Keri Jaehnig
24. Create an online Conversation via Gini Dietrich
25. An Interview with Gini Dietrich via Craig Mcbreen
26. The Lie that is Online Transparency and being True to Self via Marcus Sheridan
27. Top 20 Websites for Toddlers to Play Games On via Eren Mckay
28. Healing is about Love and Compassion via Patricia Singlet
29. What Your Favorite Ice Cream Says About You via Diana Adams
30. Casual Collectives: Tomorrow’s Roadkill via Saul Fleishman
31. Are you a head nodder walk-a-wayer? via Lisa Faeth
32. Alaskan Chick Alaskan Expat via Amber Lee
33. All together now – everyone say focus via Stacey Herbert
34. Dads are parents too via Bruce Sallan
35. Selfish Blogger Needing Help via Eugene Farber
36. 7 Signs that your blog is falling off the cliff via Tim Soulo
37. So you want to be the next big thing? via Lori Taylor
38. 5 Tips To Learn how To Let Go via Aline Hanle
39. Things We Should Ask The ROI Question About via Scott Stratten
40. ServeHope via Amanda Hite
41. Never Assume Anything via Ameena Falchetto
42. Happy 42 to me! And other social media DOHs via Stan Faryna

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48 Responses to “Because Love is bigger than anything else”

  1. Scott Stratten (@unmarketing) Says:

    Heya Bonnie,

    Very inspiring post and thank-you for linking to mine. I’ve used Dragon Naturally Speaking voice to text software before.

    Email me your mailing address, I’ll buy a copy for you. Connecting with people is something every person should be able to do, regardless of the situtation. Just email scottprivate AT un-marketing.com

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Scott

      Thank you very much for reading this blog.
      I’ll be in contact with you soon. Thank you
      very much for your kindness.

  2. Erica Allison (@ericamallison) Says:

    Blessings to you, Bonnie! I had no idea about your physical condition and I’m saddened to read it, especially the part where you share your children’s perspective. Our kids look up to us, don’t they. Even if I bump my elbow and say ow, my littlest is right there, concerned. Their hearts are so big. You have a child’s heart, Bonnie. So open, caring and willing to share. It’s a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing a little bit of it with me today.
    Erica

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Erica

      Your welcome for me sharing a little part
      of me with you. It is my pleasure to share.
      I just hope other realize that there is other
      kind people out there willing to help others
      like i’m find out.

  3. Betsy Cross Says:

    I love you Bonnie. When I hear that you’re lonely t hurts so much. Unless someone says something, I just assume they’re okay. You’re such a beautiful woman.
    I wish I knew something about the software you need. I’ll bet it’s expensive!
    If you ever want to talk just call me. If you need to have me call you back (I have unlimited long distance) I will. 603-204-5328. My house can be very quiet, but usually I have to hide in the bathroom to talk! LOL!
    We’re going away tomorrow ’til Sunday evening.
    Anyways, Thanks for this beautiful post!

  4. mariewikle Says:

    Bonnie – i was praying for you just last night – as you have touched my heart so much over the last few months.

    You ARE a gift to the world… YOU encourage so many – and I can’t imagine what you are going through – but one thing i do know that as ONE Of the Many many many people you encourage – my world is a lot brighter because of YOU….

    you never have to comment on blogs – you never have to write if its too painful – but do continue to use what you have.

    have your daughter type some messages, get them to help in any way – cause they are helping you – it will touch their heart too.

    you inspire me sooo much – you’ve been a wonderful friend for the last 3 years and i’m honored to have you – one with such a HUGE heart in my world.

    xoxox you bless me so Bonnie – you truly do.

    {{{HUGS}}}

    @spreadingJOY

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Marie

      You don’t know how much you keep me going
      threw all this. I’m honored to have you as a friend
      and you be in my life.

  5. Gini Dietrich Says:

    Bonnie, it makes me crazy that no one knows what is wrong! That doesn’t seem right. I’m very sorry to read this. Your friend Stan is a good one…I’ve gotten to know him a bit in the blogosphere and, you’re right, he’s a force on his own.

    Sending lots of love!

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Gini

      Thanks for stopping by my blog.
      Yes it is so true about Stan he is
      some thing else. But I’m thank ful
      he was there for me along with Marie
      and Donna.

      Yes it drives me nuts that know one
      knows what is wrong.

  6. Tim Soulo (@timsoulo) Says:

    wow! thanks a lot for including me in the list :)

  7. Sherry Nouraini (@snouraini) Says:

    How amazing your story of persistence and passion for life. You, and your friends who are encouraging you are an inspiration.

    I am afraid I am not familiar with voice recognition software, so I cannot make a comment.

    Keep fighting.

    Regards,

    Sherry

  8. John Garrett Says:

    Hi Bonnie, thanks for including me and reaching out to me on twitter!

    I’m so sorry to hear about your health problems, but I hope people like Stan and others in the blogosphere can help to keep your spirits up.

    I don’t know too much about voice recognition software, but I have read about one called “Dragon NaturallySpeaking”:

    http://nuance.com/dragon/index.htm

    Here’s a review on it’s dictation software:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/29/technology/personaltech/29pogue.html?pagewanted=all

    and here’s a video review:

    http://video.nytimes.com/video/2010/07/29/technology/personaltech/1247468534187/dragon-naturallyspeaking-11.html

    I think that’s just of the dictation aspect, but I believe there are other version of the program that offer more control.

    I’ll be hoping you get some better medical news soon, please keep up hope. Have yourself a wonderful day!

  9. Carolyn Nicander Mohr Says:

    Hi Bonnie, I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I am glad Stan is giving your great support. He is wonderful and a powerful force to have on your side.

    What computer do you have? Do you know if you have Windows 7, Windows Vista or Windows XP? You may have Windows Speech recognition software already on your computer. Check out Control Panel to see if Speech Recognition is one of the options.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Carolyn

      Thanks so much for your help.
      I’ll be sending you a message
      on FB about this windows thing.

      Hugs to you

  10. Adrienne Smith (@AdrienneSmith40) Says:

    I’m here Bonnie, thanks for letting me know you were writing again. I’ve missed you.

    I am so sorry you continue to have this horrible disease get in the way of your life. I can’t believe that they can’t find a cure for this. If it’s not caught within six months then what? You just live the rest of your life like that? My heart goes out to you.

    Sounds like Stan has been a wonderful friend to you. I’m so happy he’s stuck by your side as well as Marie and Donna. It’s great to have people like that in your life isn’t it!

    if anyone can help you with this software. Carolyn can. She’s the tech queen for sure. She can help you with that so lean on her if you need to. She’s be there for you.

    I’ll say some prayer for you too Bonnie and like Stan, I follow through. You can count on me. Just know that you have people who care about you and will keep you in their thoughts.

    I appreciate the blog post mention but right now, that’s so insignificant. You are what’s really important.

    Sending lots of love your way!

    ~Adrienne

  11. Christian Hollingsworth Says:

    This post was wonderful. Not in the fact that you’ve had health difficulties, but that you’re sharing your soul with the world. Thank you.

    I’ve been going through a lot of health difficulties as well the past year, including some neurological problems too (shaking) and it’s been rather rough. All I know, is that I hold true to my faith in Christ and God. That’s literally the only thing that’s pulled me through sometimes.

    Thank you for being inspiring. Thank you for taking the time to talk with the blogging world.
    Christian

  12. Because Love is bigger than anything else – faithhealingblogs Says:

    [...] FROM Faith Healing source http://bonnie67.wordpress.com/2011/10/20/because-love-is-bigger-than-anything-else/ #family movie -THE LAMP- one family's loss shows them how to turn to Faith instead of magic [...]

  13. osakasaul (@osakasaul) Says:

    Thanks for suggesting that I see this post, Bonnie. I have my ailments too, though the most significant is not physical, but rather economic: I can’t find work.

    Glad to see you have supporters and true friends that you have met online. I know Stan well, and perusing the 42 blog posts you recommended, I see only a few bloggers I do not know. Many on your list I have spoken with (I just love SKYPE for connecting- free computer-computer phone, worldwide), and I hope to speak with you, too. I bet there is something we could give-n-take on, for blogging or practical life support stuff.

    For you and your readers, and of course, the family of Triberettes, I am osakasaul in SKYPE. (Just get our yer’ headset; please don’t make me type too much, friends!) Also, G+ “Hangouts” are fun, too. Except when I left the darn thing on, didn’t see people joined in, and with another window open in front of me, I was plucking out nose hairs with the video on… But otherwise, yeah, “Hangouts” are good too, for those who don’t SKYPE.

  14. wildheart4vr Says:

    loved your post I too suffer from depression and sometimes loneliness I have a partial disability which has kept me from doing a lot of things that I used to do like go to church. I just can’t handle sitting in the pews. I think that has been the biggest source of depression is the toll this thing has taken on my spirituality, more to the point of being able to actively participate in it the way I used to.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Joe

      I’ve the same problem I can’t sit threw a Sunday service.
      So instead if I’m feeling good I’ll go to Wednesday service

      It isn’t like Sunday service but at least I get to learn and help
      the kids to learn about God.

      All so church can be any where you want it to be you don’t
      have to be in a church.

      I belong to several online groups for prayer request and other
      things. If you like the links let me know.

  15. alaskachick Says:

    Love IS bigger than anything else. Bonny, you are blessed. It may not seem so, but God must have a very special plan for you.

    The quote that helps me sometimes is by Mother Teresa, “I know God won’t give me more than I can handle; I just wish He didn’t trust me so much!” ~This always makes me think, wow, if Mother Teresa could feel this way…

    You are not alone. Not for one minute. I asked my son as well about the voice-writer he has (he loves it but I make him use the keyboard while he is doing his school work!) and he says he found it already ON his computer- just like Carolyn mentioned above.

    From what you have shared these last few months with me (us), a quitter is the last thing you will ever be! But ya know what? STUFF gets really hard and it DOES get to you, in you and it is soooo heavy at times. Remember you are NOT alone! You are here, with us.

    Bonnie, learning how, creating the website and blog, meeting all of you… it saved my life (or had a very big hand in it, anyway)… I am not alone and neither are you. I am ALWAYS here! If you need me, just tweet me, Face Book me, LinkedIn me, email me or even Skype me! (I DETEST talking on the phone!) I’m here.

    Love is bigger than anything else and you ARE loved.
    ~Amber-Lee

  16. Joanne Cipressi Says:

    Bonnie,

    Thanks for being so open and for sharing your story. I am so proud of you for coming back to blogging again. Being in touch with others in the blogging world is really a great source of encouragement in many ways–as you have already experienced.

    Donna, Marie, and Stan sound like they have been really great friends to you. I am glad that you had them for great support. I wish I knew a voice recognition software system to recommend, but I don’t. If I hear of any I will let you know.

    With my 12 years of being involved in holistic healing I have seen some amazing results in energy healing and the power of the mind to heal in many people that have experienced similar concerns like you have. Perhaps, there is a reputable healer in your area? They may be able to help. If you are interested and find one that interests you, feel to ask for my opinion. I would be happy to call them for you to make sure they know what they are doing. :)

    Many hugs to you! I am looking forward to more inspiring blogs from you. :)

  17. Samantha Bangayan Says:

    Bonnie, thank you soo much for your humility and openness in this post, and for taking the time to share your story and message. Through our conversations on Facebook, I know you’ve had a difficult time even getting this post out.

    In the past, I dated someone whose father had inexplicable seizures. How crazy that our world seems so advanced, but there are still so many unanswered questions.

    What’s most important though is your strength and resilience. I love your attitude toward life and your willingness to receive support from friends. You’ve really shown me a new side of Stan that I hadn’t even imagined he had. =) It’s so amazing the friendships we can make over the Internet!

    Thanks so much for mentioning my post here, Bonnie, and more importantly, thank you for being an inspiration!

  18. Aaron Biebert (@Biebert) Says:

    Bonnie. I appreciate you.

    I know it’s not easy to write right now, but it is so inspiring to see you work to encourage others even though you are facing severe challenges.

    I will never forget this.

    Stan. What a guy. I totally agree with you. He’s really someone special. I only wish he didn’t live so far away.

    Bonnie, hang in there. This “thorn in your flesh” will serve to make you stronger.

    Thanks for this.

  19. nisha360 Says:

    Keep the faith Bonnie I too will be praying for you and remember you are not what you can’t do but rather what you can. Uou are a huge inspiration to me :)

    Yours truly,
    Nisha

  20. Stan Faryna Says:

    Tears of hope, love, and gratitude are sliding down my face for you.

  21. Blog Soup 2011.10.17 For and About Bloggers « The unofficial blog of Stan Faryna Says:

    [...] P.S. Special Thanks to Bonnie Squires for her kind words about me in her most recent blog post. [...]

  22. Patricia Singleton Says:

    Bonnie, it is so hard when doctors don’t know what is wrong with you. I hate that. You have so much courage. Thank you for sharing your story. When we share our stories, we give others permission to share their stories whether it is about illness or abuse. I will put you in my prayers asking that the doctors can find out what is wrong and that they be able to treat it and if it is God’s Will, even cure it. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you for reaching out to me on Twitter and for including my blog post about love and compassion in your list of 42 blogs that you honored today. Happy Birthday to Stan as well.

  23. Neil Pearson Says:

    Thanks for sharing. It sounds like this whole experience has been very scary and terrible. Staying positive is important though and you are right, love is a critical aspect of staying positive.

    Best wishes, I hope it all works out

  24. Terri Nakamura (@terrinakamura) Says:

    Bonnie, thank you for sending me the link to this post. It reminds me of how fragile each of our lives are, and what blessings we find in the love and friendships others share with us.

    Wishing you faith, hope and the will to overcome any obstacles that fall in your path.

    Terri

  25. Terri Nakamura (@terrinakamura) Says:

    PS. OH, goodness — and thank you for including a link to my blog post! ((HUGS))

  26. Stacey Herbert Says:

    Bonnie. I love you girl. I know it does not make it any easier, or take the pain away, but I want you to know. Despite how life has changed for you, by sharing who you are, you are changing lives. God loves you and so does the woman in the silly red hat.xx

  27. Gary Loper Says:

    Bonnie, thank you so much for your strength in sharing your journey with the world. Connecting with wonderful people on social media sites can be a major therapeutic treatment for depression and loneliness. Continue to reach out and keep Giving, you will be amazed at the massive amount of love you will get back from totally unexpected places.

    We just started using Dragon Speaking Naturally as a voice/transcription tool, pretty easy to set up, but will take some time to train the system to recognize all of your words.

    #YouMatter

  28. Blog Soup 2011.11.11 Veterans, Epic Expectations, and Gnashing of Teeth « The unofficial blog of Stan Faryna Says:

    [...] Cross, Amber-Lee Dibble, Marcus Baker, Janet Callaway, Bonnie Squires, Gini Dietrich, J.M. Bell, Yomar Lopez, Nisha Varghese, Carolyn Nicander Mohr, Marianne Worley, [...]

  29. Keri Jaehnig (@connectyou) Says:

    Bonnie,

    Thank you for sharing this post with me, and for helping me understand your situation. While you had let me know a few things, I was unaware of intricate details.

    I can’t imagine how this must be for you, and I’m sorry for your struggles. I pray that doctors and medicine will provide a path for improvement.

    A wonderful gesture for Stan’s birthday! I’m honored to see one of my posts on this list of 42!!

    Thank you for including me, and for sharing.

    See you in the Twitter stream,

    ~Keri

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Keri,

      I try not say much about my personal life
      because I don’t want people to feel sorry
      or take pity on me.

      My life has never been easy and I don’t
      think it ever will be easy. But that is
      what makes me stronger not giving up and
      to keep going.

      Your very welcome for the link.

      Have a great day
      Bonnie

  30. I need your Love! « Bonnie67′s Blog Says:

    [...] Bonnie67′s Blog Just another WordPress.com weblog « Because Love is bigger than anything else [...]

  31. Wednesday’s Women: @wordsdonewrite @bonnie67 @girlygrizzly @atugend @careyfuller « The unofficial blog of Stan Faryna Says:

    [...] Because Love is bigger than anything else [...]

  32. Mixed Epiphanies: @Yogizilla @marcandangel @ginidietrich @tom_peters @marcus_baker #blogsoup « The unofficial blog of Stan Faryna Says:

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  33. Anita Fiander Says:

    You are accomplishing what you have set out to Bonnie! What a great heart for giving you have. We should all be grateful each cay and live it with all the zest we have. I am so very proud of you {{Hugs}}

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hello Anita

      Thank you very much for
      your comment. I’m grateful
      for ever thing I’ve and for
      meting you and getting to know
      you a little better. ((Hugs))

  34. sallykwitt Says:

    Bonnie, what a special gift to get to know you better every day. I am home on disability, too. I use blogging and social media to deal with Bipolar depression. Isn’t it a wonder that God ordained us to be friends? Hugs.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Sally

      It is amazing how god has
      put us together as friends
      and i hope to get to know you better

      Hugs Bonnie

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