I need your Love
We welcome each new year with much anticipation and enthusiasm. But the new year doesn’t bring the change we want. Because we never (or rarely) do what it takes to make change happen. We just wait for wonderful things to happen. Fall out of the sky. Like winning the lottery. But it doesn’t work that way. Not for me anyway. Know what I mean?
2012 is as hard as 2011. Maybe, it’s going to get even harder. My hubby is sick. The love of my life is sick. He might not make it.
He hasn’t taken care of himself. He hasn’t fought for his health. He didn’t even let me or anyone help him. He just keeps getting worse.
It reminds me of people I care about. Bloggers. People on Twitter too. They aren’t getting anywhere. They can’t pay their bills, their taking money from their family, and they can’t make it work.
You’re doing something wrong. I love you enough to say it.
Don’t listen to the happy talk. You’re doing something wrong and you better figure out what it is. Because the only place you are going fast is nowhere. Or maybe somewhere worse. Like Trey Pennington.
Hubby hasn’t seen a doctor in six years. My son finally got him to the emergency room the other night because his legs were ulcerating. Yellow pus was leaking from a dozen or more blisters and welts.
The doctor said hubby drinks too much water which is causing kidney failure and extreme water retention in his legs. Hubby’s complaints of chest pain led led to an x-ray that night which identified a blood clot in his lungs.
Of course, Hubby didn’t want to hear any more bad news, so he checked himself out of the hospital before they could make more tests.
I don’t know what I’ll do without Hubby. We’ve been together 30 years. Don is the love of my life, my soul mate, and my heart. I’m afraid.
I’m afraid for you too. I’m afraid of losing you too.
My daughter’s posted on Facebook about their fears. Don read those posts and, finally, he cried. He finally understood how he was being wrong. It wasn’t just about him giving up on him. Because he was giving up on the family too.
Angel wrote:
… that’s what family’s do! They stay together and love each other. Dad be strong, I love you.
Heather wrote:
I love you so much daddy… You will make it daddy! You always were a fighter up to this day. You have to fight!
Don agreed to go back to the hospital, to fight for his life, and to fight for his family.
Don, I love you. Please fight. Fight harder than you’ve ever fought before. We need you.
My friends, I love you. Please fight harder than you ever fought before. Work together. Help each other.
Honey, I need your love.
Every time you hear this song, EVERY TIME, remember to fight. Because I need your love.
–
–
God Bless us, every one!
Bonnie Squires
@bonnie67
–
Would you like to read my other posts?
1. Love doesn’t have to cost anything
2. Laugh, Love, and Blogging #Triberr
3. Are you wonderful people?
4. Can love move as fast as technology?
5. @bonnie67 has love enough for the whole world
6. Love is six parts giving and one part talk
7. Because Love is bigger than anything else
Bonnie67's Blog 
January 31, 2012 at 4:48 pm |
Bonnie!
What a beautiful post. Two worlds, same concern. I get it. It is so important not to give in and become resigned. That hurts everyone around us. Good job being honest with your husband enough to bring tears to his eyes. That’s so hard to get some people there where you know they’ve heard your heart!
I’ll pray for you and your family that you feel peace and have strength to face whatever is coming your way.
Love you Bonnie!
And I love your husband.
Tell him!
Betsy
February 1, 2012 at 8:22 pm |
Hay Betsy
Thanks so much for being there and supporting
me threw ever thing.
I hope this year is a success for you.
God bless you
hugs bonnie
January 31, 2012 at 5:50 pm |
Bonnie,
I followed the link our friend Betsy had on her page to get here. What an Awesome, brave post. Yes you brought tears to my eyes, that song will do it alone every time, but your words that ooze the love really did me in.
I don’t know you but I’m sending you my love, hoping to read more and good news from you!
I diito the prayers for peace and strength that Betsy left you with.
Ann Jane
January 31, 2012 at 11:19 pm |
Hello Ann
It is very nice to met you.
It wasn’t easy to this but
I hope it helps others out to.
I love my husband so much I
don’t know what I do with out
him.
He will be going to the doctors
this Thursday. I’ll let you know
what happens.
I hope to get to know you better
to.
Bonnie
January 31, 2012 at 6:28 pm |
I cried. God bless you, Bonnie. My prayers are with you and your family.
February 1, 2012 at 8:21 pm |
Hi Stan
Thanks so much for your prayers and ever thing
you do for others.
God bless you
bonnie
January 31, 2012 at 11:16 pm |
MY LOVE and support for you – always. I’m so thankful that you shared this. You deserve support!!!
You can always, always reach out to me on Facebook!!
January 31, 2012 at 11:22 pm |
Hi Mysti
Thank you so much for your love and
support. I would have never wrote this
if it was for our talk and I really do
thank you for that and being there for
me.
January 31, 2012 at 11:18 pm |
My prayers are with you and your family Bonnie. You have touched me as I’m sure you have touched so many others.
You have taught many of us never to give up so don’t you dare give up.
You have taught us to be strong, so when you feel yourself growing weak, know God gives you strength and we are also praying for your strength.
You have taught us to be honest, nurturing, and understanding. I just hope I can be half the person you already are.
January 31, 2012 at 11:48 pm |
Your kindness, love, and words give me strength, Knikkolette. Thank you.
Without my online friends, the love and the prayers, I couldn’t have faced the trials and tests of last year. Without your friendships, love and prayers, I couldn’t face the trials and tests that are ahead. You all are my air.
February 1, 2012 at 12:07 am |
Bonnie, you are precious. Your family is precious. Your husband is precious and it sounds like he finally knows it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your honesty and sharing of your raw pain is so touching. Know that you are very much loved. God bless you!
February 1, 2012 at 8:13 pm |
Martha
Thanks so much for your wonderful words
and your prayers.
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 12:26 am |
Bonnie and kids,
don’t give up on Don! I am so glad he’s finally getting the help he needs from doctors. Now he also needs our help with prayers. I am sending them your way. Your kids needs their dad, you need your partner.
I wish you well and I sincerely hope February will bring you less heart ache and more blessings.
May you find comfort in your kids and your online communities, as well as in your immediate family.
Giving you one big virtual hug from one mama to another!
February 1, 2012 at 8:12 pm |
Hello Dorien
Thank you so much for dropping by.
Yes we do need Don and I’m so glad
he getting the help he needs.
Thank you for your enchantments and prayers
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 12:47 am |
Prayers for you all as you face this, Bonnie.
Red.
February 1, 2012 at 8:10 pm |
Hello Red
Thanks for dropping in.
Thank you for your prays
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 1:44 am |
Wow Bonnie WOW! Ok first I’d like to say Kudo’s for you to pouring out your heart here. It helps you when you can release such intense worry and gain support from your friends. Never stop writing!
Second there is hope!! After my body healed I began to research myself silly on why a food did for me what NO doctor could ever do. Food, whole clean foods, ARE God’s medicine. I’ve chatted with stage 4 cancer survivors, Diabetics who are no longer diabetics, people who had Fibro and other major illnesses that are GONE. How is this possible? Selecting the right type of foods to give your body what it needs to heal. Your body is a machine and you really need to keep it well oiled and tuned up or it will begin to tilt out of balance. When the body is out of balance illness develops.
Here is a movie that had me jumping up and down because IT HAS WHAT I LEARNED over all the years of my research. ‘Food is thy medicine.’ http://gourmethealthychocolates.com/foodmatters
Have hope and please show this to your husband. He must believe and take action to help himself. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. Your husband IS the horse and no matter what you do it is something he must see and act on. He should realize, and it sounds like he has, that his actions are hurting those who love him.
I own the movie and I share it with as many people as I can. It IS powerful and it is something everyone should own and begin learning how to help themselves heal and live a long happy healthy life.
Hang in there Bonnie!! Thoughts and prayers for strength and the ability to carry on.
February 1, 2012 at 8:09 pm |
Hi Jean
Thank you so much for all your info.
I’ll check into it. We will talk more
later to.
Thank you for caring and being there
for me.
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 2:22 am |
Wow, that’s real life pain; those are the scary life events we have to deal with. You, your hubby and your family are certainly in our prayers.
Yes, there are far too many trying to reach out to ‘social’ as their life preserver and I’m afraid it might be a cinder block instead.
Best of luck to you; thanks for the heads-up on your post and your plight.
February 1, 2012 at 8:07 pm |
Hi Bill
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Yes it is scary place to be rite
now. But sharing has helped me and
I see it has helped other out which
I’m glad about.
I all so have the support of my family
and my church to.
You have a wonderful day
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 3:20 am |
Oh Bonnie. Wow, girlfriend. They say that God only gives us what we can bear. But at some point you have to look up into the heavens and say, “Thanks, I’ve had my share now!” Hang in there, friend. Continue opening your heart to your online community, because we WILL support you. Listen to Jean. Healing is possible with whole foods and a change of lifestyle. But it’s up to your husband to understand the impact he is having on those around him and choose to get well. Cyber-hugs.
February 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm |
Hello Jayna
I do agree with you about God
and some days I do say enough
but he has a reason for us going
threw what we are going threw.
I’m so thankful for your support.
God bless you
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 3:36 am |
Bonnie!! sooo true. just as you say – we need each other. I’m praying for you and your husband!!
{{HUGS}}
@spreadingJOY
February 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm |
Hi Marie
I don’t no what I do with out you.
Your all ways there for me spreading
joy and making me smile.
Thank you for your encouragement and
support
Love Bonnie xox
February 1, 2012 at 4:11 am |
Bonnie, I will keep you all in my prayers and it sounds like Don finally got that kick in the pants he needed for him to understand that it’s not just about him.
I attended a funeral today, lost a dear friend. Life is so precious, something we never should take for granted. Life isn’t promised and as you said, it makes me so sad to continue to see people struggle when they really do want something better for themselves. Obviously that aha moment hasn’t arrived yet that they need that will get them to the other side. I hope Don has had that aha moment for him.
Thank you for sharing this post with us and keep the faith. Since Don is back in the hospital I’ll pray that he made it just in time.
God Bless!
~Adrienne
February 1, 2012 at 7:59 pm |
Hi Adrienne
He goes back to the doctors tomorrow.
We can only pray he does all the test
and what ever the doctors wants him to
do.
I hope he has had that aha moment to.
I;m very sorry for your lost and i’ll
be praying for you and your friends family.
Thank you for your love and support.
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 4:40 am |
Bonnie, the genuine care, love and affection for your husband and family is deeply touching. I admire you for being able to lay open your pain, sadness, fear and love, so beautifully. I read this and feel compelled to make some changes in my life. No matter who we are, or what we do in life, there is always a way to do more in honoring ourselves, our families and our friends and your words are a stark reminder to do just that.
I, too, am praying for your husband to fight as he never has before and to get through this with all the love and support your family is giving. hugs to you Bonnie – Phaedrah
February 1, 2012 at 7:56 pm |
Hi Phaedrah
Thank you so much for stopping by
my blog and for the prayers.
I’m glad that my blog has helped
other out.
My family is my life and I don’t
know what I’ll do with out them.
God bless you Phaedrah
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 5:02 am |
Like Stan said, ” I cried.” I cannot honestly say I will pray for you. I don’t pray. What I do is hope. I hope as hard as I can and help where I can. I hope for the best for you and your family. I know you struggle with your own health and this will be an even greater burden for you in the coming year. I hope for strength, clarity and love for you.
February 1, 2012 at 7:52 pm |
Hi Cecili
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Your support mean allot to me.
All people have some thing they
believe in god,hope,budda, ect.
I’m glad we are friends and i’m
glad i met you in the FB games
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 7:53 am |
Bonnie, you are such a tower of strength and a very courageous lady, I feel with and for you and your family and send you good thoughts.
February 1, 2012 at 7:48 pm |
Hello
Thank you for the encouragement and support you give me.
Have a nice day
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 8:00 am |
I just followed a tweet and I am so glad I came back. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
Life is precious but how we treat it and how we carry on despite what is thrown at us makes all the difference. Keep the faith.
God Bless…
February 1, 2012 at 7:47 pm |
Hello Hajra
It is nice to met you.
Yes life is so precious
and no one never knows
what will happen.
With my family and friends
support and God we will get
threw this to.
Thanks for the comment
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm |
[…] I need your Love by Bonnie […]
February 1, 2012 at 7:00 pm |
Bonnie, I truly hope that this is the watershed moment that turns this whole thing around!
I admire your bravery for putting this out here into the world -not only for you but for those of us who need a wake up call.
I sincerely hope that life gets better for you. I will keep you in my thoughts!
February 1, 2012 at 7:44 pm |
Hello John
Thank you very much for your comment.
It bring me great joy that my storie
has helped other.
Have a wonderful day
Bonnie
February 1, 2012 at 10:43 pm |
Bonnie, your family is most definitely in my prayers!
February 9, 2012 at 2:50 am |
Hi Sandra
Thanks so much for your prayers
Bonnie Squires
February 2, 2012 at 5:45 am |
You have more power in you than you know, Bonnie. You showed that through this post. Trust in that power, own it, and I believe that you and your family will make it on the other side of this, OK.
Make no mistakes about it, you are fully equipped to handle whatever you’re dealing with right now. You’re a strong lady. I know this from the conversations we’ve had on several occasions. I know it’s hard, and it might even seem unbearable right now… but you have faith… and that faith is going to ensure that you will be alright. Spend the time to love your husband, and your kids; appreciate even this time that you have, here in the stormy moments. It’s these moments that are the most precious of them all.
I remember two months before my mother past away back in 2010, I was able to go up to North Carolina and spend two weeks with her in the hospital.It’s was pure planning at it’s finest; but the planning was definitely not done by me. Oh no, this plan was entirely bigger than what I had in my mind to play out. It was orchestrated with the Creator of us all, and the signature was written all over it.
You see, my mom and I had a very turbulent relationship when I was growing up… it was more like I did, really. She loved me like a mother was suppose to love her son, no matter how much I would judge her for her actions. I just couldn’t see it that way. I had another idea of what a mother should be like, and she was remotely close to who I wanted. But she was what I needed.
Anyway, the two weeks I spent with her was exactly what the both of us needed. I was able to love her and spend time with her; and also free up some of that stuff that I was holding over her. Stuff that looking back over it now, didn’t mean a hill of beans. That two weeks was healing for me and for her.
So months later, I was at peace when she passed away. It still hurt, don’t get me wrong; I still cried like a baby that had lost his mom. I allowed myself to feel any and every emotion that I wanted to feel Even today I practice that. If I’m sad… I allow myself to be sad. But I only give myself a day to do it. After that, I must move on and live. Not so much for me, but for all of them that I’m connected to as well. Not to mention, every single day is so precious and can be taken so quickly; why spend more than one of them in pain, if you don’t have too.
The same goes for you, my friend. Allow yourself the moment to hurt, to feel the emotions of what you’re going through. It’s OK. After you have finished hurting; love yourself and your family. And trust yourself to know that everything is going to be alright. Maybe not how you planned it out to be, but alright nonetheless.
Be strong, and stay sweet.
I’m trusting that things will be better for you all and that you will receive peace of mind.
All the best to you and yours.
February 9, 2012 at 2:50 am |
Dear Deeone
Your message was so up lifting to me.
Thank you so much for all you have done
for me. You are a very dear friend to me.
I agree with you about letting my feeling
out and if i want to cry its ok or just scream. lol
That its ok but move on after that.
Thanks so much Deeone and God bless you
Bonnie Squires
February 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm |
When I read this, I think of the serendipity of it all.. I have been working on a similar post, a message of hope.. now I read this and happen to turn to related messages in the Bigle. Whether you’re a believer or not, you have to believe that there are better times coming.
I can relate to your hubby a bit: I sometimes isolate myself and take on challenges alone.. but’, believe me, your intentions and good will matter.. and I am confident they give him strength.
Today, it so happens that the message in my Bible reading plan (Fostering Hope) said “just keep going”. I believe many of us are on the verge of a major break-through but if we quit we won’t get there.
Keep hope strong and keep on loving, Bonnie!
February 9, 2012 at 2:36 am |
Dear Yomar
I’m glad to see you here on my blog.
I do believe and have hope that we
will get threw this fine.
Thanks so much for your support
Bonnie squires
February 2, 2012 at 1:43 pm |
As others have commented, my prayers continue to be with you and your family.
February 9, 2012 at 2:31 am |
Hi
Thank you for your prayer
Bonnie Squires
February 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm |
Hi Bonnie,
That’s so sad. I hope things turn around for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you all…
Take care!
Jocelyn xox
February 9, 2012 at 2:30 am |
Hello Jocelyn
Yes it is sad but we have gotten
threw so much and I’m sure we will
get threw this to.
I pray my hubby gets better soon to.
Thanks you so much for your pray and
support.
Bonnie Squires
February 2, 2012 at 8:48 pm |
Dear Bonnie, I am actually speechless, your words touched me deeply. Love to you, your husband and daughter.
February 9, 2012 at 2:24 am |
Dear Anne
I’m glad my words have touch you.
Thank you for stopping by
Bonnie Squires 🙂
February 2, 2012 at 11:44 pm |
Hi Bonnie, I’ll keep good thoughts for your husband and I wis him, and you, well. 🙂
February 9, 2012 at 2:22 am |
Hi Joanne
Nice to see you here on my page.
Thank you for your well wishes.
Bonnie squires
February 3, 2012 at 9:27 am |
Bonnie Thanks! Thanks because you brought up under the spotlite the important things of our life: love, fraternity, family, health and life itself. All other words are just scattered in the wind. God bless you and your family and I’m standing by you to help, though I can make tangibly a little I’ll do through my heart and soul.
February 9, 2012 at 2:20 am |
Hi Fabrizio
Thank you very much for your support
and prayers.
Bonnie
February 5, 2012 at 12:56 am |
Bonnie, your enormous heart shines through in this post. Thank you for loving your husband enough to set an example for us and for loving us enough to tell us the truth. You’re right. We can’t just sit around and wait for life to happen! This message is ringing for me loud and clear.
I’m glad that it sounds like your husband is now willing to fight, to not give up. All the best to you and your loves.
February 7, 2012 at 10:54 am |
[…] Dorman talks about people dropping out of the social media scene. Bonnie Squires talks about people struggling and not making ends meet. Yomar Lopez hints at the despair and […]
February 11, 2012 at 11:59 pm |
I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. Be strong and hopefully you will overcome it, so 2013 will be easier than 2012. Love. Hezi
February 12, 2012 at 10:44 pm |
Hello Hezi
Thank you very much for keeping
your fingers crossed. I sure hope
2013 will be much easier but it seems
my life is never easy but that ok I
can handle any thing throwing at me.
Hugs Bonnie
February 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm |
Bonnie this is beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time. How is he doing now? You are such a warm loving soul and that was clear just by meeting you today. I believe love heals but Kidney issues are a real baddie. So hard to watch a loved one (I have3 been that loved one) not take care of themselves the way you would have them do.
It has been some weeks since this post was written and I am hoping his changes have started the healing process. Having had both mind illness and Kidney illness the healing that took place in my life was two fold. It began with people loving me before I learned to love myself and continued when I started to study the power of thought in healing.
It is clear by your post he is surrounded with love and that will motivate him to work on the illness in his own way. The soul knows what it needs. We are not bodies with souls but souls with bodies.
I wish for him all the miracles taking place in my life and a darn good nephrologist or Urologist. My Urologist was a Kaiser Dr whose wife died during our treatment but he took awesome care of me and will always be my miracle man. Wishing you Love and healing.
March 1, 2012 at 4:25 am |
Hi
Thank you so much for your comments.
His kidneys are fine and no blood clot
thank god.
But he has sugar diabetes and an ucler
on his leg which isn’t getting better
and he has a nurse coming in ever day
starting today to put a cream on his leg
for 1 week. there only 1 other option to
stop the ulcers after this and that is putting
a boot on his leg if that doesn’t work he
will lose his leg.
I’m taking 1 day at a time with him.
Bonnie
March 2, 2012 at 7:56 am |
Bonnie,
There is not much we all can say, except “stay strong my friend”!
All the best to you and your family.
K.
March 15, 2012 at 7:08 pm |
Hi Klaudia
Thank you so much for your comment.
All I can do is take one day at a time
and stay strong and keep praying.
May 26, 2012 at 11:20 pm |
So sorry for all your problems.
I hope you get through all of your struggles. At least you have finally made hubbie realize that it isn’t just about a single person, but also the whole family. This, hopefully, will be enough to make him get up and fight, .
I find it alarming that one of his problems was caused from drinking too much water. How much water is too much?
June 13, 2012 at 1:04 am |
Hi Leigh
Yes he has finally woke up allot.
He drinks over a gallon of water a
day. Plus the sugar didn’t help him.
May 27, 2012 at 12:54 am |
It has been quite a while since there were any comments here. Do you have an update for us so we can know how to specifically pray? This was a very moving post, and made me think about my own health and my husband’s health.
June 13, 2012 at 1:02 am |
Hi Susan
Thank you very much for your comment.
I’ll be having a update soon. Things are
getting better with hubby.
May 27, 2012 at 6:56 am |
This is a very touching story and a stern reminder that there is more to this world than just ourselves. Our contentment and ignorance affects those we love more than we can understand and we need to remember that. Being the matriarch of a family of 6 makes for a lot of giving and caring to those and sometimes forgetting about me, so I decided this year 2012 is the year of me. The year I better myself, my position in life, to not only benefit me, but to also benefit my family. A better healthier, happier me, will ensure my family gets the best from me when they need it. I hope Don decides this is the year of Him too, to fix himself so his family has him at his best when they need him most. His journey has started with the love and comments of his children, I hope he keeps going. You sound like a very strong person who will help him through his journey. Good luck and best wishes to all of your family.
June 13, 2012 at 1:00 am |
Hi Jodie
You are so rite. We has the matriarch of a family
do need to take care of our selfs to.
May 27, 2012 at 9:58 am |
Gosh that is all very sad. Hope things get better for you in the future.
June 13, 2012 at 12:59 am |
Hi David
Things are getting a little better thank you.
May 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm |
Hi Bonnie! Isn’t that a beautiful song! Heart also does a great version. I’m sending you some love and sunshine today. 🙂
July 16, 2013 at 4:25 pm |
Have you ever thought about creating an e-book
or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog centered on the same subjects you discuss and would really
like to have you share some stories/information. I know my audience would appreciate your work.
If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e-mail.