I need your Love!

I need your Love

We welcome each new year with much anticipation and enthusiasm. But the new year doesn’t bring the change we want. Because we never (or rarely) do what it takes to make change happen. We just wait for wonderful things to happen. Fall out of the sky. Like winning the lottery. But it doesn’t work that way. Not for me anyway. Know what I mean?

2012 is as hard as 2011. Maybe, it’s going to get even harder. My hubby is sick. The love of my life is sick. He might not make it.

He hasn’t taken care of himself. He hasn’t fought for his health. He didn’t even let me or anyone help him. He just keeps getting worse.

It reminds me of people I care about. Bloggers. People on Twitter too. They aren’t getting anywhere. They can’t pay their bills, their taking money from their family, and they can’t make it work.

You’re doing something wrong. I love you enough to say it.

Don’t listen to the happy talk. You’re doing something wrong and you better figure out what it is. Because the only place you are going fast is nowhere. Or maybe somewhere worse. Like Trey Pennington.

Hubby hasn’t seen a doctor in six years. My son finally got him to the emergency room the other night because his legs were ulcerating. Yellow pus was leaking from a dozen or more blisters and welts.

The doctor said hubby drinks too much water which is causing kidney failure and extreme water retention in his legs. Hubby’s complaints of chest pain led led to an x-ray that night which identified a blood clot in his lungs.

Of course, Hubby didn’t want to hear any more bad news, so he checked himself out of the hospital before they could make more tests.

I don’t know what I’ll do without Hubby. We’ve been together 30 years. Don is the love of my life, my soul mate, and my heart. I’m afraid.

I’m afraid for you too. I’m afraid of losing you too.

My daughter’s posted on Facebook about their fears. Don read those posts and, finally, he cried. He finally understood how he was being wrong. It wasn’t just about him giving up on him. Because he was giving up on the family too.

Angel wrote:

… that’s what family’s do! They stay together and love each other. Dad be strong, I love you.

Heather wrote:

I love you so much daddy… You will make it daddy! You always were a fighter up to this day. You have to fight!

Don agreed to go back to the hospital, to fight for his life, and to fight for his family.

Don, I love you. Please fight. Fight harder than you’ve ever fought before. We need you.

My friends, I love you. Please fight harder than you ever fought before. Work together. Help each other.

Honey, I need your love.

Every time you hear this song, EVERY TIME, remember to fight. Because I need your love.

God Bless us, every one!

Bonnie Squires

Would you like to read my other posts?

1. Love doesn’t have to cost anything
2. Laugh, Love, and Blogging #Triberr
3. Are you wonderful people?
4. Can love move as fast as technology?
5. @bonnie67 has love enough for the whole world
6. Love is six parts giving and one part talk
7. Because Love is bigger than anything else

71 Responses to “I need your Love!”

  1. Betsy Cross Says:


    What a beautiful post. Two worlds, same concern. I get it. It is so important not to give in and become resigned. That hurts everyone around us. Good job being honest with your husband enough to bring tears to his eyes. That’s so hard to get some people there where you know they’ve heard your heart!
    I’ll pray for you and your family that you feel peace and have strength to face whatever is coming your way.
    Love you Bonnie!
    And I love your husband.
    Tell him!


    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hay Betsy

      Thanks so much for being there and supporting
      me threw ever thing.

      I hope this year is a success for you.

      God bless you
      hugs bonnie

  2. Ann Jane Says:


    I followed the link our friend Betsy had on her page to get here. What an Awesome, brave post. Yes you brought tears to my eyes, that song will do it alone every time, but your words that ooze the love really did me in.
    I don’t know you but I’m sending you my love, hoping to read more and good news from you!

    I diito the prayers for peace and strength that Betsy left you with.

    Ann Jane

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hello Ann

      It is very nice to met you.
      It wasn’t easy to this but
      I hope it helps others out to.

      I love my husband so much I
      don’t know what I do with out

      He will be going to the doctors
      this Thursday. I’ll let you know
      what happens.

      I hope to get to know you better


  3. Stan Faryna Says:

    I cried. God bless you, Bonnie. My prayers are with you and your family.

  4. Mysti Reutlinger Says:

    MY LOVE and support for you – always. I’m so thankful that you shared this. You deserve support!!!

    You can always, always reach out to me on Facebook!!

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Mysti

      Thank you so much for your love and
      support. I would have never wrote this
      if it was for our talk and I really do
      thank you for that and being there for

  5. @knikkolette Says:

    My prayers are with you and your family Bonnie. You have touched me as I’m sure you have touched so many others.

    You have taught many of us never to give up so don’t you dare give up.

    You have taught us to be strong, so when you feel yourself growing weak, know God gives you strength and we are also praying for your strength.

    You have taught us to be honest, nurturing, and understanding. I just hope I can be half the person you already are.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Your kindness, love, and words give me strength, Knikkolette. Thank you.

      Without my online friends, the love and the prayers, I couldn’t have faced the trials and tests of last year. Without your friendships, love and prayers, I couldn’t face the trials and tests that are ahead. You all are my air.

  6. Martha Giffen Says:

    Bonnie, you are precious. Your family is precious. Your husband is precious and it sounds like he finally knows it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your honesty and sharing of your raw pain is so touching. Know that you are very much loved. God bless you!

  7. Dorien Says:

    Bonnie and kids,
    don’t give up on Don! I am so glad he’s finally getting the help he needs from doctors. Now he also needs our help with prayers. I am sending them your way. Your kids needs their dad, you need your partner.

    I wish you well and I sincerely hope February will bring you less heart ache and more blessings.

    May you find comfort in your kids and your online communities, as well as in your immediate family.

    Giving you one big virtual hug from one mama to another!

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hello Dorien

      Thank you so much for dropping by.

      Yes we do need Don and I’m so glad
      he getting the help he needs.

      Thank you for your enchantments and prayers

  8. Red Says:

    Prayers for you all as you face this, Bonnie.

  9. Jean Kelsey Says:

    Wow Bonnie WOW! Ok first I’d like to say Kudo’s for you to pouring out your heart here. It helps you when you can release such intense worry and gain support from your friends. Never stop writing!

    Second there is hope!! After my body healed I began to research myself silly on why a food did for me what NO doctor could ever do. Food, whole clean foods, ARE God’s medicine. I’ve chatted with stage 4 cancer survivors, Diabetics who are no longer diabetics, people who had Fibro and other major illnesses that are GONE. How is this possible? Selecting the right type of foods to give your body what it needs to heal. Your body is a machine and you really need to keep it well oiled and tuned up or it will begin to tilt out of balance. When the body is out of balance illness develops.

    Here is a movie that had me jumping up and down because IT HAS WHAT I LEARNED over all the years of my research. ‘Food is thy medicine.’ http://gourmethealthychocolates.com/foodmatters

    Have hope and please show this to your husband. He must believe and take action to help himself. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. Your husband IS the horse and no matter what you do it is something he must see and act on. He should realize, and it sounds like he has, that his actions are hurting those who love him.

    I own the movie and I share it with as many people as I can. It IS powerful and it is something everyone should own and begin learning how to help themselves heal and live a long happy healthy life.

    Hang in there Bonnie!! Thoughts and prayers for strength and the ability to carry on.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Jean

      Thank you so much for all your info.
      I’ll check into it. We will talk more
      later to.

      Thank you for caring and being there
      for me.


  10. Bill Dorman (@bdorman264) Says:

    Wow, that’s real life pain; those are the scary life events we have to deal with. You, your hubby and your family are certainly in our prayers.

    Yes, there are far too many trying to reach out to ‘social’ as their life preserver and I’m afraid it might be a cinder block instead.

    Best of luck to you; thanks for the heads-up on your post and your plight.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Bill

      Thanks so much for stopping by.

      Yes it is scary place to be rite
      now. But sharing has helped me and
      I see it has helped other out which
      I’m glad about.

      I all so have the support of my family
      and my church to.

      You have a wonderful day

  11. Jayna Locke Says:

    Oh Bonnie. Wow, girlfriend. They say that God only gives us what we can bear. But at some point you have to look up into the heavens and say, “Thanks, I’ve had my share now!” Hang in there, friend. Continue opening your heart to your online community, because we WILL support you. Listen to Jean. Healing is possible with whole foods and a change of lifestyle. But it’s up to your husband to understand the impact he is having on those around him and choose to get well. Cyber-hugs.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hello Jayna

      I do agree with you about God
      and some days I do say enough
      but he has a reason for us going
      threw what we are going threw.

      I’m so thankful for your support.

      God bless you

  12. Marie Says:

    Bonnie!! sooo true. just as you say – we need each other. I’m praying for you and your husband!!


    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Marie

      I don’t no what I do with out you.
      Your all ways there for me spreading
      joy and making me smile.

      Thank you for your encouragement and

      Love Bonnie xox

  13. Adrienne Smith (@AdrienneSmith40) Says:

    Bonnie, I will keep you all in my prayers and it sounds like Don finally got that kick in the pants he needed for him to understand that it’s not just about him.

    I attended a funeral today, lost a dear friend. Life is so precious, something we never should take for granted. Life isn’t promised and as you said, it makes me so sad to continue to see people struggle when they really do want something better for themselves. Obviously that aha moment hasn’t arrived yet that they need that will get them to the other side. I hope Don has had that aha moment for him.

    Thank you for sharing this post with us and keep the faith. Since Don is back in the hospital I’ll pray that he made it just in time.

    God Bless!


    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Adrienne

      He goes back to the doctors tomorrow.
      We can only pray he does all the test
      and what ever the doctors wants him to

      I hope he has had that aha moment to.

      I;m very sorry for your lost and i’ll
      be praying for you and your friends family.

      Thank you for your love and support.

  14. Phaedrah Ellison Says:

    Bonnie, the genuine care, love and affection for your husband and family is deeply touching. I admire you for being able to lay open your pain, sadness, fear and love, so beautifully. I read this and feel compelled to make some changes in my life. No matter who we are, or what we do in life, there is always a way to do more in honoring ourselves, our families and our friends and your words are a stark reminder to do just that.
    I, too, am praying for your husband to fight as he never has before and to get through this with all the love and support your family is giving. hugs to you Bonnie – Phaedrah

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Phaedrah

      Thank you so much for stopping by
      my blog and for the prayers.

      I’m glad that my blog has helped
      other out.

      My family is my life and I don’t
      know what I’ll do with out them.

      God bless you Phaedrah


  15. Cecili Sin Says:

    Like Stan said, ” I cried.” I cannot honestly say I will pray for you. I don’t pray. What I do is hope. I hope as hard as I can and help where I can. I hope for the best for you and your family. I know you struggle with your own health and this will be an even greater burden for you in the coming year. I hope for strength, clarity and love for you.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Cecili

      Thanks for stopping by my blog.
      Your support mean allot to me.

      All people have some thing they
      believe in god,hope,budda, ect.

      I’m glad we are friends and i’m
      glad i met you in the FB games


  16. Late Bloomers Says:

    Bonnie, you are such a tower of strength and a very courageous lady, I feel with and for you and your family and send you good thoughts.

  17. Hajra Says:

    I just followed a tweet and I am so glad I came back. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

    Life is precious but how we treat it and how we carry on despite what is thrown at us makes all the difference. Keep the faith.

    God Bless…

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hello Hajra

      It is nice to met you.
      Yes life is so precious
      and no one never knows
      what will happen.

      With my family and friends
      support and God we will get
      threw this to.

      Thanks for the comment

  18. Wednesday’s Women: @wordsdonewrite @bonnie67 @girlygrizzly @atugend @careyfuller « The unofficial blog of Stan Faryna Says:

    […] I need your Love by Bonnie […]

  19. John Garrett Says:

    Bonnie, I truly hope that this is the watershed moment that turns this whole thing around!

    I admire your bravery for putting this out here into the world -not only for you but for those of us who need a wake up call.

    I sincerely hope that life gets better for you. I will keep you in my thoughts!

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hello John

      Thank you very much for your comment.

      It bring me great joy that my storie
      has helped other.

      Have a wonderful day

  20. Sandra Humphrey (@Sandra305) Says:

    Bonnie, your family is most definitely in my prayers!

  21. Deeone Says:

    You have more power in you than you know, Bonnie. You showed that through this post. Trust in that power, own it, and I believe that you and your family will make it on the other side of this, OK.

    Make no mistakes about it, you are fully equipped to handle whatever you’re dealing with right now. You’re a strong lady. I know this from the conversations we’ve had on several occasions. I know it’s hard, and it might even seem unbearable right now… but you have faith… and that faith is going to ensure that you will be alright. Spend the time to love your husband, and your kids; appreciate even this time that you have, here in the stormy moments. It’s these moments that are the most precious of them all.

    I remember two months before my mother past away back in 2010, I was able to go up to North Carolina and spend two weeks with her in the hospital.It’s was pure planning at it’s finest; but the planning was definitely not done by me. Oh no, this plan was entirely bigger than what I had in my mind to play out. It was orchestrated with the Creator of us all, and the signature was written all over it.

    You see, my mom and I had a very turbulent relationship when I was growing up… it was more like I did, really. She loved me like a mother was suppose to love her son, no matter how much I would judge her for her actions. I just couldn’t see it that way. I had another idea of what a mother should be like, and she was remotely close to who I wanted. But she was what I needed.

    Anyway, the two weeks I spent with her was exactly what the both of us needed. I was able to love her and spend time with her; and also free up some of that stuff that I was holding over her. Stuff that looking back over it now, didn’t mean a hill of beans. That two weeks was healing for me and for her.

    So months later, I was at peace when she passed away. It still hurt, don’t get me wrong; I still cried like a baby that had lost his mom. I allowed myself to feel any and every emotion that I wanted to feel Even today I practice that. If I’m sad… I allow myself to be sad. But I only give myself a day to do it. After that, I must move on and live. Not so much for me, but for all of them that I’m connected to as well. Not to mention, every single day is so precious and can be taken so quickly; why spend more than one of them in pain, if you don’t have too.

    The same goes for you, my friend. Allow yourself the moment to hurt, to feel the emotions of what you’re going through. It’s OK. After you have finished hurting; love yourself and your family. And trust yourself to know that everything is going to be alright. Maybe not how you planned it out to be, but alright nonetheless.

    Be strong, and stay sweet.

    I’m trusting that things will be better for you all and that you will receive peace of mind.

    All the best to you and yours.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Dear Deeone

      Your message was so up lifting to me.
      Thank you so much for all you have done
      for me. You are a very dear friend to me.

      I agree with you about letting my feeling
      out and if i want to cry its ok or just scream. lol
      That its ok but move on after that.

      Thanks so much Deeone and God bless you
      Bonnie Squires

  22. Yogizilla Says:

    When I read this, I think of the serendipity of it all.. I have been working on a similar post, a message of hope.. now I read this and happen to turn to related messages in the Bigle. Whether you’re a believer or not, you have to believe that there are better times coming.

    I can relate to your hubby a bit: I sometimes isolate myself and take on challenges alone.. but’, believe me, your intentions and good will matter.. and I am confident they give him strength.

    Today, it so happens that the message in my Bible reading plan (Fostering Hope) said “just keep going”. I believe many of us are on the verge of a major break-through but if we quit we won’t get there.

    Keep hope strong and keep on loving, Bonnie!

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Dear Yomar

      I’m glad to see you here on my blog.
      I do believe and have hope that we
      will get threw this fine.

      Thanks so much for your support

      Bonnie squires

  23. thecoachlee Says:

    As others have commented, my prayers continue to be with you and your family.

  24. Jocelyn Wilhelm Says:

    Hi Bonnie,

    That’s so sad. I hope things turn around for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you all…

    Take care!
    Jocelyn xox

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hello Jocelyn

      Yes it is sad but we have gotten
      threw so much and I’m sure we will
      get threw this to.

      I pray my hubby gets better soon to.

      Thanks you so much for your pray and

      Bonnie Squires

  25. Anne Egros, Global Executive Coach Says:

    Dear Bonnie, I am actually speechless, your words touched me deeply. Love to you, your husband and daughter.

  26. Joanne Says:

    Hi Bonnie, I’ll keep good thoughts for your husband and I wis him, and you, well. 🙂

  27. Fabrizio Faraco Says:

    Bonnie Thanks! Thanks because you brought up under the spotlite the important things of our life: love, fraternity, family, health and life itself. All other words are just scattered in the wind. God bless you and your family and I’m standing by you to help, though I can make tangibly a little I’ll do through my heart and soul.

  28. Samantha Bangayan Says:

    Bonnie, your enormous heart shines through in this post. Thank you for loving your husband enough to set an example for us and for loving us enough to tell us the truth. You’re right. We can’t just sit around and wait for life to happen! This message is ringing for me loud and clear.

    I’m glad that it sounds like your husband is now willing to fight, to not give up. All the best to you and your loves.

  29. Why You Won’t Stop Blogging or Doing Social Media! « The unofficial blog of Stan Faryna Says:

    […] Dorman talks about people dropping out of the social media scene. Bonnie Squires talks about people struggling and not making ends meet. Yomar Lopez hints at the despair and […]

  30. http://successhowto.com Says:

    I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. Be strong and hopefully you will overcome it, so 2013 will be easier than 2012. Love. Hezi

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hello Hezi

      Thank you very much for keeping
      your fingers crossed. I sure hope
      2013 will be much easier but it seems
      my life is never easy but that ok I
      can handle any thing throwing at me.

      Hugs Bonnie

  31. phoenix143 Says:

    Bonnie this is beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time. How is he doing now? You are such a warm loving soul and that was clear just by meeting you today. I believe love heals but Kidney issues are a real baddie. So hard to watch a loved one (I have3 been that loved one) not take care of themselves the way you would have them do.

    It has been some weeks since this post was written and I am hoping his changes have started the healing process. Having had both mind illness and Kidney illness the healing that took place in my life was two fold. It began with people loving me before I learned to love myself and continued when I started to study the power of thought in healing.

    It is clear by your post he is surrounded with love and that will motivate him to work on the illness in his own way. The soul knows what it needs. We are not bodies with souls but souls with bodies.
    I wish for him all the miracles taking place in my life and a darn good nephrologist or Urologist. My Urologist was a Kaiser Dr whose wife died during our treatment but he took awesome care of me and will always be my miracle man. Wishing you Love and healing.

    • bonnie67 Says:


      Thank you so much for your comments.
      His kidneys are fine and no blood clot
      thank god.

      But he has sugar diabetes and an ucler
      on his leg which isn’t getting better
      and he has a nurse coming in ever day
      starting today to put a cream on his leg
      for 1 week. there only 1 other option to
      stop the ulcers after this and that is putting
      a boot on his leg if that doesn’t work he
      will lose his leg.
      I’m taking 1 day at a time with him.


  32. Klaudia Says:


    There is not much we all can say, except “stay strong my friend”!
    All the best to you and your family.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Klaudia

      Thank you so much for your comment.
      All I can do is take one day at a time
      and stay strong and keep praying.

  33. Leigh Says:

    So sorry for all your problems.

    I hope you get through all of your struggles. At least you have finally made hubbie realize that it isn’t just about a single person, but also the whole family. This, hopefully, will be enough to make him get up and fight, .

    I find it alarming that one of his problems was caused from drinking too much water. How much water is too much?

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Leigh

      Yes he has finally woke up allot.

      He drinks over a gallon of water a
      day. Plus the sugar didn’t help him.

  34. Susan Critelli Says:

    It has been quite a while since there were any comments here. Do you have an update for us so we can know how to specifically pray? This was a very moving post, and made me think about my own health and my husband’s health.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Susan
      Thank you very much for your comment.

      I’ll be having a update soon. Things are
      getting better with hubby.

  35. Jodie Connelly Says:

    This is a very touching story and a stern reminder that there is more to this world than just ourselves. Our contentment and ignorance affects those we love more than we can understand and we need to remember that. Being the matriarch of a family of 6 makes for a lot of giving and caring to those and sometimes forgetting about me, so I decided this year 2012 is the year of me. The year I better myself, my position in life, to not only benefit me, but to also benefit my family. A better healthier, happier me, will ensure my family gets the best from me when they need it. I hope Don decides this is the year of Him too, to fix himself so his family has him at his best when they need him most. His journey has started with the love and comments of his children, I hope he keeps going. You sound like a very strong person who will help him through his journey. Good luck and best wishes to all of your family.

    • bonnie67 Says:

      Hi Jodie

      You are so rite. We has the matriarch of a family
      do need to take care of our selfs to.

  36. David Allen Says:

    Gosh that is all very sad. Hope things get better for you in the future.

  37. Joanne Says:

    Hi Bonnie! Isn’t that a beautiful song! Heart also does a great version. I’m sending you some love and sunshine today. 🙂

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